So the world hasn't ended (LOL) and 2013 is upon us. Time to break out the resolutions! Honestly, I've never been much of a resolution-maker. Guess I witnessed enough folks make and break the same ones by Feb 1st that I didn't see a lot of merit in it. (Not to mention how crowded the gym gets for about 6 weeks--but then most seem to go back to their old ways.) Don't see a lot of point in that, personally. So I tend to just pick a day and make a plan when I'm wanting to change something about my life. I don't always succeed, but it rarely correlates to the start of a year. Well, this year is different. God has laid something so significant on my heart--with such power to improve my life and the lives of those around me, that I want to full fledge make a declaration. I need the accountability.
So here it is: I resolve to be less offended...less sensitive...less apt to take the actions (or lack of actions) on the part of others as a personal attack.
I resolve instead to try to figure out what might be going on that's causing them to do what they do. Maybe that guy that cut me off in traffic is going thru a painful divorce--meaning he's either lost in thought and didn't notice me or is so angry at his circumstances that his ego needed the boost of getting ahead of a mini-van before the lanes merged. Maybe that family member who seems to want nothing to do with me or my loved ones is hurting financially, worried about their job, and living such a complex reality that I don't even hit their radar right now. Maybe that co-worker that just bit my head off is in an abusive relationship, is wondering if she may have just crossed the line to being an alcoholic, and feels like she has nowhere to turn. The point isn't that I know the story behind their actions--the point is that I acknowledge something beyond myself is fueling their behavior. Recently I've found myself doing it more--but need to work on doing it immediately rather than days later after having fumed over it.
There are two men in my life who have been amazing examples of how to do this. The first was my Dad. It used to annoy me to see how readily he offered people the benefit of the doubt. But as I've gotten older, I've come to find his perspective endearing and wise. The second was my Husband. I watched as he endured some of the harshest persecution I've ever witnessed. It angered him, but he practiced restraint and never seemed to bite back. Within a surprisingly short period of time, his heart would soften toward the offenders. Then he prayed for them, forgave them, and asked nothing in return. He spoke often of how he wished for their happiness and well-being, even going as far as to find any merit which might have been behind their motives. He seemed to feel his feelings, but I can't ever say I witnessed him fume. He just did the right thing and put his trust in God to work things out in His timing--exhibiting amazing patience and humility.
There are also some people in my life who have, unwittingly, acted as the catalyst for testing how easily I would get offended. The type of people who can't be pleased, who cross boundaries every few minutes without regard for anyone but themselves--and while you're reeling from shock at what they've just done, they find multiple reasons to be offended, themselves. NOT fun times. And yet, their attitudes were the absolute best wake-up call for what I could become if I didn't curb my own ability to be offended. So strangely, I've found myself thankful for them.
But the straw that broke the camel's back came just a few days ago. I can't share the details, but I can paint an emotional picture of sorts. Who is that one person you'd just rather not be around? Maybe someone betrayed you years ago. Maybe they hurt you--physically or emotionally or in any number of significant ways. Sadly, we can all think of someone who meets that discription. Now picture walking out your front door to check the mail one day, noticing a moving truck next door, and seeing that person's face emerge from the driver's seat. The person you least want close to you has just moved in next door. You can't afford to move right now, even if you could, the housing market is horrible, and besides--you LOVE your house, your yard, your other neighbors, the location, etc. In short, you feel like you've been invaded. That about sums up where I was. But over the course of a couple days, God pointed out to me that I had no reason to feel that way. I'd supposedly forgiven the person and, uncomfortable as it may be, I could bear "living next door" to them. This was just my opportunity to affirm--to myself and others--that I had, in fact, forgiven.
This opened a door somewhere in my heart. As a fuming thought came thru my mind about them, I realized I had a choice as to whether I entertained it. Then, when a family member slighted me, I realized I had a choice as to whether I felt offended. It's having this amazing potential for a domino effect. I don't have to hope I won't interact with such people. I don't have to wait in vain for the day they realize what they've done. I don't have to fume. I can forgive. I can move on. I can have peace. If I've done something to cause the situation, I can ask for their forgiveness as well; but if I haven't, there's nothing for me to do but trust God with it. The freedom this offers overwhelms and convicts my bitter spirit.
Are you fuming over something that's happened to you? Over someone who's hurt you? Is it robbing you of the ability to find peace? If so, I'd encourage you to join me in my first real New Years Resolution. Share what God teaches you in the midst of it. We can be each others' encouragement. Because the world will never stop offending us, but I'm now convinced there's a way to live peacefully in the midst of it. That's what I resolve to do.
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