So I thought I'd give an update on my last blog post. I'd pledged to be less sensitive, and more empathetic in response to the actions of those around me. Honestly, I'd been the opposite for so long that I was afraid I'd fall completely back into my old thought patterns. But I haven't. Granted, I've not yet "won the war" on this...but I've won a couple battles, so progress is on the horizon.
What have I learned?
First, that it's about stepping back from the emotions--my own as well as those of other people. I got into an argument recently with someone I care for deeply, and felt very hurt by their words. Fortunately, we were finally able to talk through the issue in a healthy way and I was floored to hear them explain that they'd gotten angry at themself, but taken it out on me. As I replayed the argument in my mind, suddenly their actions, their non-verbals, their words, even their focus, made perfect sense: it wasn't about me. Of course, I spent a few minutes questioning why in the world that hadn't occurred to me at the time. (I never miss a good opportunity to beat myself up...do you? LOL) But here's what's interesting... The next day I felt like my head was getting bitten off by someone else. And right about the time I normally would have started feeling extreme frustration and pain, it hit me between the eyes--this wasn't about me! In fact, I knew the person well enough to know exactly what they were thinking about that subject and why they were, themselves, frustrated. I can't adequately express how liberating that felt! The old me would have ended the conversation as quickly as possible, fumed and/or vented about the experience, and let it affect my relationship with them for days! What a waste--of time, energy, and opportunity for good relationships. Instead, I let them change the subject and went on to have a great rest of the day.
Second, I lowered my standards. I don't mean to sound like a pessimist by putting it that way, but those four little words really do sum it up best. Instead of assuming I was going to be treated politely by that person who only seems to conjure politeness 50% of the time, I assumed it wasn't going to happen. So when it didn't, no shock. The next day, when they were downright cordial, I was pleasantly surprised. I started applying it while shopping, driving, spending time with people, etc, and was amazed at how much more peaceful I felt. We should have high expectations of God--that's the stuff faith is made of. ;) And we should have high expectations of ourselves to a healthy extent. But the rest of the world really should be given their own individual room--to grow, to make mistakes, to teach me something they may have already conquered that I have yet to realize I need to work on, myself. Anything more than that and we're trying to live unrealistically.
Still got more to learn--I'm sure of that. Afterall, sometimes the offenders still manage to knock me down for a bit. But I've got hope now that I don't have to be upset about those times. Here's to life's lessons--which God lets us learn the hard way if you're as stubborn as I am! :)
